emotional entanglementsFor a long time I would call these technical relationships for lack of a better word. It’s until I sat in a Romance 101 class (A discipleship program on relationships and marriage) that I learnt the ideal word to use is emotional entanglements.A numbers of us single people have fallen into this trap.

The goal of any relationship is oneness in all aspects. For every healthy relationship, there is the friendship stage before getting to emotional oneness. A relationship may also start with emotional oneness. Many relationships fall into this category. It is also not a safe way to start a relationship. If not monitored, it gradually progresses to physical oneness.

Once I was in a serious emotional entanglement. It was terrible. I enjoyed love without commitment. My fantasy world was full of this guy I’ll call Jay. We would text all day. Somehow, we put off friends and formed a small world made of two. Everyday I would be confronted by the hard truth that I was in a counterfeit relationship. But I wasn’t radicle enough to flee. I’d still hang around. The longer I stayed the more entangled I got. One day, after a conversation with some ladies, I was greatly convicted of my sin. Breaking away was almost as hurting as a break-up.

I’ve seen friends get entangled too. It begins with a mutual attraction. Then communication fuels things. The most contacted person on your phone book becomes ‘Jay’. Before you know it you have already told him everything about your family, that chic in class you don’t like and worst of all he knows what you are having for supper.
During the Romance 101 class, I learnt some truths about entanglements that I’d wish to share.
  • Entanglements skip a very vital stage- friendship. Friendships come about in a very natural way. But in emotional entanglements, the natural process is interrupted. Friendship is important since it allows people to know each other in their natural setting.
  • Emotional oneness can quickly lead to physical oneness. Many will bear me witness that where romantic emotions are involved, the probability of going physical is usually high. For every single person (unmarried) getting physical is a sin. You therefore don’t want to flirt with sin!
  • Breaking emotional entanglements is hard and hurtful. I’ve seen people postpone sobering up entanglements. When they finally do, it’s usually difficult to let go the person. A lot of time is spent healing the hurt and overcoming the struggle.
  • There is a way entanglements put other parties not involved off. I’ve seen this in school. Once a committed brother in Christ begins to hang out with a certain sister all the time, other sisters no longer feel free to interact with him. The vice versa also applies. You miss the opportunity to learn what God has purposed through other people. Most importantly you miss fellowship. When you break away from the entanglement, you come back to find none of your friends is there.
  • Emotional entanglements derail spiritual growth. Instead of thinking about reading scripture or going for evangelism, all that is in your mind is a certain chic or a certain guy. Instead of going for fellowship with the rest of the brethren, you hang out with each other all the time. This in turn leads to stunted spiritual growth. Before you know it you are miles away from God.
  • Every person who has been emotionally entangled should repent the sin of defraud. Defraud is arousing feelings that cannot be righteously satisfied. You sin against the person you are in an entanglement with. Because you are awakening love before it so desires.
Avoiding entanglements is pretty hard. So long as you have flesh and blood the temptation to allow a certain person into your heart without commitment will always be there. But we can overcome.
When you discern an entanglement please flee. Don’t be found anywhere near. Don’t do that first text that will strike a conversation. Don’t allow often meetings. I did not use my phone for a month when I was getting over Jay, because I realized so long as I had it the temptation of keeping contact was still there.
Many times I feel vulnerable. But am persuaded that Christ is able to keep that which I’ve committed to Him against that day. I desire to be presented before God flawless. I desire to walk into marriage pure in heart, not with a trail of entanglements behind me. So help me God!