We are just friends…
I remember how it all started. We would get along quite well. We agreed in many things and found out we had common interests. Soon we began sharing deep stuff about ourselves. Before we even knew we had grown so close. He felt like a best friend.
Every time I had a heart ache, disappointment or just needed to let out of my heart something he was just a phone call away. He came to know every detail of my life. We’d chat all day long, then at night summarize the day through a phone call. It was obvious that some chemistry was beginning to form.
Friends would ask what was happening and I would answer back with the usual phrase, “We are just friends”. We continued to be ‘just friends’ until I was woken up to the reality that we were more than friends. It’s at this point I realized that I had gotten myself into something I wasn’t ready for. I was at the hotbed of emotions and making a sober decision was difficult at that particular time.
Perhaps you identify with me. Have you been in those opposite sex friendships where everyone else thinks you are in a relationship except you? You go to places together, do meals together and you’ve even adapted to each other, so that you now talk the same way…etc. When asked what’s up with the friendship you become all defensive and attempt to persuade everyone that you are just friends! There is a Kikuyu saying about someone who’s acting defensive about something that they’ve clearly done… “Denying blood while it’s still on your lips.” That’s what you are doing!
Sometimes our naivety or ignorance leads us to these awkward positions. One of my rules has been clearly defining boarders with the opposite sex. The moment he starts treating me with a bit more special attention than other ladies then I seek clarification. Or the moment my heart starts throbbing after I see the text I just received is from him, or involuntary smiles start forming on my face when I receive a call from him, then I know it’s time to review my heart. If he is not my boyfriend, then I ought to treat him as a brother!
You see, these kind of funny friendships will lead to emotional entanglements. These are some kind of relationships where your emotions precede your mind. You could read my post on emotional entanglements here. That can be a bit confusing and dangerous in the long run.
When your close circles begin asking what’s happening between you and guy x, don’t get defensive. Take a critical look at your friendship and identify the areas that need clarity. Don’t allow your heart to precede your mind. That way you’ll avoid being hurt and the confusions that come therein.
So, are you really sure that sister y is only a friend? And are you sure brother x is just a friend, with no other attachments?