About crushes and how to get over them.
I still don’t believe that am doing this post. But I thought it’s important I do so, especially after reading this blog post here. Crushes are not very interesting especially because of the way they bug you. Yet I’ll talk about it, because it’s a reality.
Am not talking about something alien to me. Though I may not provide a step by step guide that could solve the whole thing, I’ll talk about some principles that could be of help.
I had a major crush about two or three years ago. I allowed thoughts about Jay (the name I use for any guy am talking about on a blog post) obsess my mind. I knew it was mutual and so I was hopeful one day am gonna be asked out. But it didn’t happen. You can make a guess- I was a little bit disappointed.
I allowed my thoughts wander from time to time and ‘owned’ this guy in my heart and mind, yet he belongs to God. It was after getting over him that I actually became thankful to God that he had not allowed him to come ask me out. I’d have said yes and that would have been a wrong decision. That’s the thing with crushes. When you get over them you wonder why you had crushed in the first place.
Whereas it’s not exactly sinful to crush or get attracted to someone, there’s a way we allow it to go a little bit far and that makes us prone to sin. My experience is that lack of trust and focus on God is a major catalyst of crushes. You feel you’ve waited for so long and there’s no more patience remaining. So the guy who impresses your heart and seems to be a package of your dream man quickly becomes your crush. Or you are so fascinated about having a boyfriend and so you become vulnerable to any brother who seems close.
See what am talking about? It’s because you are impatient or you’ve substituted satisfaction in God’s love with love from a man that you fall flat for the dude/chic who impresses you. That sounds too spiritual, I know!
It’s good you talk to God about your feelings, day in day out. Just like we have to surrender to him daily and take up our crosses, so do we have to bring our emotions under his lordship everyday. You don’t achieve it one time. It has to be a daily surrender.
You could also avoid small things that could act as catalysts. For instance you can avoid seeing or communicating to your crush often. You can ask God to help you see him/her as a brother or sister.
A lot of time is spent in the fantasy world thinking about crushes and how they’d possibly turn to be lovers. You can do something else with your time. Read or go visiting someone. Just don’t sit down to think about him or her.
A friend of mine recently told me that one of the best ways to deal with crushes is to avoid talking about them. I know it’s fascinating to keep talking about him especially for us ladies. Then your girlfriends keep referring to him and someone passing by would think it’s your boyfriend they are talking about. You want Jay to be the topic of discussion all day long. That does you more harm than good. Stop talking about him or her!
Like I have always said, if you want to keep pure then you have to make a conscious decision. You have to commit yourself and review the commitment from time to time. In this case you have to choose emotional purity. Honoring God has to be your goal. That way you’ll have control over your emotions, and you’ll want to honor God more than submitting to the pleasures of the flesh.
Finally, sometimes I share things on the blog not because I’ve grown out of them, but because they are the issues that bug us christian youths. And so I pray and desire that these truths would dawn so very heavily on you and me. Let’s uphold purity at all costs- emotionally, mentally and physically.