We talk about boundaries very many times. How ladies ought to be treated and how not to treat them, and how to relate to men. But I fear we’ve probably stretched the boundary lines a little bit further.
Am a young person. I love having fun. I have many friends, male included. I love hanging out with them. But how should my interactions be? Is it okay if we walk holding hands? And how about the hugs? How long should they be? How tight should they be? And what if I was travelling on a bus and there was no seat for me, then a guy offered his lap, that I sit on it? Should I gladly accept the offer?
Well, I recently had an experience. At the end of it, I was very convinced that I have a problem. There is something wrong with me, and I should try and loosen up. Maybe things are not as serious as I take them. And how come I appeared to be the only one disturbed? Perhaps I need to accept that that’s how people nowadays are behaving…
I know you are dying to know what it is that am talking about. Okay. I’ll tell you. We were a group of young people. Christians for that matter. There were no enough seats. So some people were supposed to stand on the bus. But then standing wasn’t as fun. So an idea went round- either verbally or through observation. Gentlemen would have the seats and ladies would sit on their laps. (In the spirit of being a gentleman?)
I got very disturbed. I felt like people were reading it in my mind, that I was in disapproval of the sitting arrangement. I didn’t know what to do. Do you have moments when you do not approve something, but then you can’t say because you probably don’t want to appear preachy? You go to open your mouth, and you think, “Why am I too concerned?” So I kept quiet. But then I engaged the issue in my mind. Just to make sure I wasn’t primitive.
I don’t think I’ve come up with a standard way of how people of the opposite sex should interact. You know a manual that reads “How to maintain boundaries with the opposite sex. A handbook for young people.” Then probably have it written my name at the bottom. Then go hawking it in buses that do rounds from town to Ruiru, telling them a beautiful moving story about myself. Adding that selling the manual is not only going to help the young people but also help raise my school fees would be an added advantage. See what I did there? 😉
So, there’s no SI unit that I’ve developed. I believe I have not gotten it yet. There are days I have felt so guilty after say taking a photo with my arms around a guy, and there I have known I stretched boundaries further than they should have. You ask what’s wrong with that? Eer… I don’t know. Maybe Holy distance and all?
One thing I know- Paul told Timothy to treat older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters with absolute purity. Don’t I like the perfect purity part! Because that means not just physically, but also emotionally and mentally. And so really, this wasn’t a long post with ten ways of treating brothers/sisters. Lol. It was a simple challenge to us to check out our interactions maybe, and see whether they glorify God, and see whether we were doing things that are only a reserve for our husbands/wives in the future, and may be sinning in the process.
So, would I sit on a guy’s lap if there was no seat? No. I’d rather travel while standing. Would I walk holding hands with a male friend? No. But I just might try that when I get a boyfriend. *hides* How about hugs? This one requires a full blog post. You may want to read this When hugging becomes sinful.
Was I justified to think that the behavior at the bus was wrong? Yes. I feel convinced. I do not trust myself enough to go seated on a guy’s lap for even 10 minutes and not sin in my mind. And what about the guy? It’s not all about myself. It’s about helping each other land to heaven safely, with no minor/major injuries from sin.
The reason I have all these reservations is not that I am one of the tukutedereza mamas who had a set of guidelines about everything. Including how to eat. Lol. (No, am joking.) It’s because I think it will help me walk in absolute purity, as well as those am interacting with. Therefore I never want to stretch my boundaries. They just might stretch further than I had intended.