It’s a beautiful morning. A day not different from the rest. She wakes up early to say her prayers before leaving for class. She has a to-do list for the day and hopes to achieve everything jotted in there.
But she decides to check her whatsapp and Facebook notifications. It won’t hurt. She scrolls through her phone for ten minutes. She doesn’t end there. Ten minutes turn into one hour. It hits her hard that she has just squandered the little time she had. She gets up real quick and prepares for class.
Tomorrow is the same. Her good intentions of doing her morning disciplines are chocked by the desire to be online. Until she no longer derives pleasure in communing with God.
Life begins to run ahead of her. She has a wooer who happens to be her classmate. It’s a new semester. The wooing proceeds. She begins to soften her heart. Before she knows it the wooer is top in the list of recently contacted. Everyday after class they walk to the gate together. Before long her emotions are stirred up.
She’s in school for academics, basically. But they begin to take a toll on her. Difficult concepts to understand here and there. Sudden CATs that find her unprepared. Her mind has become a grave of thoughts. She can’t concentrate on one thing for long without wandering into thoughts. Her academics become a victim.
That issue with her family is bugging her. It just can’t leave her mind. She’s worried about it.
Everybody’s life seems okay. She has to belong and look like them. She has to make an appearance and make everyone believe that she’s fine. Stained glass masquerade. So she plays the part again. The performance is convincing, since no one ever gets to notice she’s not fine.
Two months past. She’s surviving and pulling through. But the knowledge that she’s not fine makes her shy from facing herself. The things she’s ailing from seem a mountain. Like they can’t be handled instantly. She wishes a friend would check on her, and dig deep to know what’s happening in her life. But she won’t tell. No, she won’t initiate that conversation with any friend.
Life at this point is tiring and not interesting. She gets tired of not being fine. Tired of making an appearance. Tired of keeping the secret to herself. Tired of convincing herself she’ll be fine. She wants to solve it once and for all.
So she sets out to start from a clean slate. She’s not picking her phone first thing in the morning again. She’s not playing along with the wooer again. She’s changing that ‘defeated attitude’ she’s been having.
She prays to God. She needs her charge renewed. She needs a new perspective of things. She needs a total clean up in her heart. She needs everything to be renewed. She needs peace with God.
Then does she realise that her seemingly mountain of issues were only magnificent in her mind. She postponed dealing with the issues but she’s shocked at how readily God gets her out her defeatedness. Peaces flows within her in abundance. Her confidence is boosted. Her smile is broadened. She starts living life as it should. It’s a new dawn. 🙂