This year, God willing, I will complete my campus studies. First degree. The journey has been purely that of trusting in Jesus and I wish to share some of the experiences I’ve had and the lessons drawn.
During my early years in school God taught me that trusting in Him meant a total yielding to his will, and not halfway looking up to him and halfway putting my confidence in man. I got disappointed along the way, when people I trusted and looked up to failed to deliver to my expectations. I actually got hurt and spent the better part of 2013 wallowing in pain and self-pity. But God seemed to be speaking, that I was to look up to him only. Jeremiah 17:5 was of great insight and still is; Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. Every parent will promise their kids heaven on earth. Mine are not an exception. What happens if they are unable to deliver? Even then I have learnt to trust in God, and not just on the fact that my parents have got my back.
The journey has not been without hopelessness. Fee deadlines have probably been my number one cause of despair. A number of times the first Friday of the second month in a semester came and my fees had not yet been paid. My first semester of second year remains vivid. I was unable to attend classes during the fee deadline week. I had resigned to the fate of having to call off the semester. The situation didn’t change as much in the subsequent years. At one point in my third year one Juliet Mwihaki, spent the night before the fee deadline day in my room and we were both trusting God to have his way. We woke up in the morning that day and had our devotions then asked God to let his will to prevail, even if it meant calling off the semester. God did his will. We didn’t have to defer the semester! I learnt to be still. I learnt to ask God to do his will, even if it was not going to be favourable to me. This lesson I carry along with me- that even in despair the Lord is at work and He is Sovereign. Looking into the future, I pray that God would help me maintain calmness despite how bad the situation is.
Trusting in God for me has meant taking him at His word. It has meant resting in His assurance. For instance, Jesus tells his disciples in Mathew 6:25-34 not to worry about a thing, the heavenly father knows what they need. Yet in another portion of scripture it’s written that the righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all. (Psalm 34:19) This implies that troubles are within the package of what shall be squeezed into the hand of the righteous man. I have learnt to believe in scripture in its totality. That God is in charge during both the good and the bad times. And thus, believing that in His faithfulness He will sustain me through the bad times, and when I am in the blissful moments, thanking Him for His faithfulness and grace.
Uncertainties have been part and parcel of the journey. One day you are sure of tomorrow then the next you are all clumsy not knowing what’s going to happen. A good example is the moment I am in. Finishing school is a great feeling. But then the uncertainty of what’s next almost slays the appetite for living. I sure do not know what awaits me. But I am confident that the Lord, He will hold me fast!
As for my salvation and eternal security, I will trust in Him. I dare not even trust in my strength. Him who saved and has sustained me this far, He will hold me fast. For I know whom I have believed in and am convinced that He is able to guard what I’ve entrusted to him for that day. (2 Timothy 1:12)
The God of the mountains is sure the God of the valleys. He does what He wills. Of importance to us is to trust in him, yield to him and show our dependence on him at all times.