About three or four Sundays ago… I meet Julie outside church after the service and we catch up a little bit. She’s leaving for Kenyatta Hospital and I intend to make a trip to Kahawa Sukari along Thika Road and get a few of my belongings from my cousin’s house. I can only do that at four o’clock after my cousin gets to the house. I therefore decide to accompany Julie to the hospital then leave later.

Hospitals are scary. I’m gripped by some deep level of sympathy as I watch different patients bedridden and helpless. All along I’m standing. At the point of leaving I begin to feel dizzy. I don’t even get to the door. Thankfully Julie notices and comes to my aid. By this time, I can’t even walk. A stranger helps Julie hold me to a sit outside the ward. For a few minutes I experience a total blackout. I can’t see anything. It’s impossible to explain what exactly I feel. In a few minutes a regain consciousness after breathing in the fresh breeze.

Julie is quick to bring me water. Her mum asks when I ate last and recognizes the possibility that my glucose level is low and recommends I find something to eat as soon as possible.

The previous day is a hangout time with some friends. Then late lunch in town at four o’clock. I eat to my fill and skip supper. I’m not used to taking breakfast and so I go to church on Sunday morning having taken nothing. I don’t feel any impact on my body and so I think I’m just fine. My minyoos (worms) are silent and compliant, creating the impression that all is well.

******

The events of that Sunday afternoon shook me. For a moment I thought I had become diabetic and this fear was only increased by the fact that my late grandpa suffered diabetes. What wasn’t adding up was that this wasn’t the first time I was skipping meals but I had never had such a seizure. It’s even hard to believe Julie’s mum when she said I was hungry. I wasn’t feeling hungry! I’m still not fully convinced that I suffered from hunger to date.

One of my hobbies is cooking. But I have a problem. I don’t enjoy cooking meals that only ‘me’ will eat. It gives me joy to cook for people. That explains why I don’t cook regularly. But this Sunday was meant to change me.

I began questioning my eating habits. I have two extremes. Over-indulgence and starving my body. Sometimes I indulge in high junk intakes. (Then when I ran broke I start regretting all the money I used on junks) Were it not for my conscious, I could eat fries every other day. (Chips masala kwanza!) Thank God fries are expensive in my current place of residence and I therefore feel the pinch when buying. Some other times I starve my body, like the said weekend. I sadly remember a time I survived on a 500ml packet of yoghurt and some home-made salad for three days. I’m even ashamed as I type this! (If this was whats-app, I’d have used the ka-face with hands covering the eyes)

During Staff Orientation and Training early August we were advised on a meal time table that would not only help in budgeting but also in ensuring one was eating healthily. I’ve resulted to this as a solution. I realized the need and importance for food and I’ve been very intentional in ensuring I don’t skip any meal from that day.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, my current schedules and plans are revealing just how undisciplined I am. I’ll still insist on going against the books when it comes to making meals, even when I belabored to come up with a time-table. (Dem thing is hard to make!) There was one Friday I stood outside Mr. Price in town for around twenty minutes trying to figure out what to take for supper. One would think I was waiting for someone. I settled on a meal but changed my mind as soon as I got to the house. I also recognize how my obsession with perfection leads me to indecisiveness occasionally. (For the records, I’m very particular with food)

The last two or so weeks have been interesting meal-wise. I once made some githeri (this is where you stand up and clap. I’m finally becoming that which my mum has always desired…) and used uneven proportions that I won’t delve into explaining. After all, you don’t air your dirty linen in public. I’ve also ensured that supper is ready before going to any Christian Union meetings in the evenings so that I don’t have any excuse to skip a meal. For the first time in my life, I’m buying myself fruits.

I’m still cultivating a disciplined life and trusting God for help. Hebrews 11:12 says: For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. I like to see all kinds of Godly discipline in light of this verse. It’s encouragement enough to persist. I also think taking care of these bodies that hosts our souls and spirit while we roam on earth is important. I need energy and good health to serve God. I shouldn’t be reckless in handling my health! Even so, my prayer remains “Not to me, O Lord, not to me, but to your name be glory…”