Happy new year! Not too late to wish you one, right? We begin the year on this side with a guest post from an anonymous writer. Enjoy the read. 🙂

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Finally, it has been made clear that there is no future, in fact, there has never been an US!

My Emotions

I felt that the LORD knew this from the beginning, yet He allowed me to develop love feelings in fact. Come to think of it, I would say I was doing a good job by protecting myself from developing feelings. I had enough reasons that convinced me that it wasn’t going to work out.  However, I decided to trust God, and opened my heart to the possibility. What I didn’t know is that all along the Lord had other plans. Well, to say the least, these plans left me vulnerable and desperate for closure.

But why?

I was sure I had a case against God. I felt that I had the right to stand before God and make my case, let Him see that let me down. I trusted Him, but instead He allowed my heart be broken. Surely, everyone can see that I have a case, right?

I lamented this to a friend (she is such gem and a good listener, I love her dearly) and her first response was –Emotions inform us what we are feeling, whatever we decide to do with them is upon us and we should not blame it on the emotions. Also, we should not be controlled by emotions because if we do, we shall be like a city without walls, where anything and everything goes in.

As our conversation went on, we found ourselves going through the book of Job. What amazed me at first was how the young man Elihu, Job’s friend, answered Job’s question. I soon realized that my questions were no different from Job’s. 

Job asked why he did not die at birth. I asked why I had to go through this situation and wished it never happened. Like job, I felt that the Lord destroys both the blameless and the wicked. I kept asking God to make me understand how I had gone astray to deserve what I was going through, just like Job. 

I was angry. Angry with myself for holding on for too long, for my wishful thinking and being shockingly gullible. Surely, at my age, I should have been wise enough to know and avoid it all. I was also angry with God because, He let it happen. He did it, knowing all too well that I would end up in the ditch I found myself in. He knew I would go through this confusion ALONE. You see, I believe in His sovereignty, that nothing happens outside His control.

I should have just not trusted Him with my heart to avoid the drama. (So I thought)

God Answers

Just like Job, the LORD answered me (Job 38);

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding… Have you commanded the morning since your day began, and caused the dawn to know it’s place… Has the rain a father or who has begotten the drops of dew?… Do you know when the mountain goat give birth? Do you observe the calving of the does?…

Will you put Me in the wrong? Will you condemn Me that you may be in the right?…

Who has first given to Me that I should repay him? whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.”

So has my situation magically changed? Of course not, but my heart has! You see, when I gave God my heart, I wanted Him to lead it where I wanted to go. But in His wisdom, He has led it where He wants me to be.

I will therefore diligently and fervently pray that I learn to trust Him with my life, and not just get anything from Him. My desire is to gain Him. He is my goal and prize. Like Job, may He open my eyes so I can see Him – the God of my salvation.

This whole situation has left me confused and honestly, I do not know what I want now. I would want to trust that it’s a good thing, for I can now fully depend on God, without stumbling upon my will.

He says ……. I am God and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things no yet done, saying my counsel shall stand and I will accomplish all my purpose.

Isn’t this comforting, particularly to a heart like mine that desires to control and rule? With a God like He, my soul shall rest. For He has promised to hold me fast to the end. God, the Lord be my Strength!

28th January 2018